Essays of Nathan J. Elias

Martin
has been asking me about the outcome of my three weeks holiday mission in
mid-February to early March 2007. Well, let’s say that on one hand it was quite
fruitful, but on the other hand there were also some devastasting after-effects
of the mission on my own personal spirituality. Let me elaborate further down
here and see if this post will actually be longer than Martin’s usual blog
novels. I actually took FOUR very long e-mails to write this entire story in
parts to my friends and my mentor at ORPC. Hope this won’t be boring for you to read…

On forming the KTB/Cellgroup
One of the things I wanted
to do during my stay was to form my own KTB (Kelompok Tumbuh Bersama), separate
from the church, because the one in the church does not seem to be functioning
well at the moment. For the members, I have chosen the people from my ex backing
vocals group that includes my brother Bryan (who was replacing me after my
departure to Singapore), my God-sister Junnany and two other friends Fenny and
Vivi. Honestly, I do not know how they fare at the moment, because I have not
been following their progress since, but from what I know, they never hold any
more meetings after I left, simply because they have no leader there (which is
sad, and reminds me of what is actually happening to my church’s KTB as
well).

That said, the only thing that I managed to plant to their minds was the
Cat and Dog Theology. I felt that it was important for them to know
this theology because it is exactly why my church is in ruins now. All the
deacons and chairpersons think about is now programs, programs, and more
programs. They think only about their own church’s affairs and no longer about
what God wants or what God gets in the end. This problem is so bad that even
people from my church are not allowed to attend other churches’ events that
might benefit them and bring them closer to God, due to fears that people will
move from my church to the other church. If this is the case, then who is the
largest and who gets the priority in my church now? The church itself or God as
the head? People often think that these two are the same, but actually they are
not. God is larger than just one church and He can send you to many churches for
His purpose and mission (like what I’m doing now, attending ORPC and also interchurch events
such as FESIM,
ISCF and
IGCF). By
limiting people to your own church, you might actually are also limiting these
people to be used more by God, and I’m very sure God doesn’t want that.

I hope thay by teaching them the Cat and Dog theology, I can make
them remember that God is the focus of their lives and missions. Sometimes we only SAY that what we do is for God, but actually what we
do are for our own selfish ends. I haven’t actually checked on how they
are doing right now in terms of their relationships with God, as most of them
don’t have active Internet connections at home (and conversations by SMS can’t
go into too much details), but I hope they can keep up their Bible reading and
prayer life that I’ve told them to take care of, so that they can become close -
and closer - with God.

On the church’s problem
This has been very bad. From my
KTB I heard a lot of bad things on the church, and one of them who were working
on the church’s polyclinic actually received some abuse (being unpaid, the
reason being that “she works for God and not for money”, which
is so DAMN STUPID of an excuse and then being abused verbally). This left
a very bad impression on this friend’s family. Her father, who is not a
Christian, lost trust in all Christians, saying that if Christians can treat one
of their own this badly, how will they treat those who are not Christian? Her
mother, a Christian, lost faith in my church and moved to another church, and
now she harbors a deep hatred and vengeance against the people of my church, to
the point that she says if she ever meet the people who mistreated her daughter,
she will go out of her way to embarass them in public.

Now this is a church that no longer bless others and bring others to Christ,
but has fallen to the point that it even becomes a stumbling block. I’m afraid
that God may decide to abandon and left my church to rot and destroy, and I
can’t even think of how could those people dare to do this. Can they face God in
His judgement later and dare to say to His face that they have done nothing
wrong with this? Have they entirely lost their fear to God? I myself shudder
when I think of what lies ahead of them, what kind of judgement will God pass
upon them once He lost His patience upon this church. May God have mercy and one
day restore order and truth in this church.

On the problems of the youth group, where the KTB is not growing and
spiritually the members are going stagnant, I spoke to the chairmembers and
actually they knew the problem is there, but they have lost faith and they only
asked themselves “well, what can we do anyway?” without asking God if He wants
something drastic to be done. They have lost themselves to the situation and
have become dead, just like the Church of Sardis
(Revelations 3:1-6). They asked me to stay in Indonesia and form a team with
them to fix the wrongs of this church, but I said no. It is not my time yet, and
even if I stayed, with the political system that exists inside the church
(deacons hold the most power and have the ability to crush any other elements in
the church), going in with a team to reform the church will never work, they
will just crush and destroy us to make us silent and obey to their programs and
agendas, just like now.

On personal counselling trips
I bought a NIV Life
Application Bible before I went back to Surabaya. I was thinking about buying it
after I return to Singapore, but somehow God gave me an insight to buy one
before and bring it back with me to Surabaya for a mission. Indeed it was very
useful for my counselling of others. On the day when I have just finished
reading through the Book of Job, I met someone who has problems in her life
similar to Job, where her life is going down, there seems to be no exit and God
seems to be nowhere. She kept asking God why did all that happen to her. With
the knowledge from the Book of Job, I shared with her some insightful notes and
concept about God’s providence that was there within the NIV LAB. I’m happy to
say that after a few meetings, her life was changed and now she is walking with
God in her life.

This is one of the better accomplishments that I managed to do during this
three week mission. I honestly never knew that I had the gift of counselling and
this was my first time doing so. All the time in Singapore, I was the one being
constantly counselled and I was the one who was in constant need of help from
others (especially from Rita who gave me a lot of help and counsel that time,
thanks jeng!) so I was actually in a bit of disbelief when God told me to help
bring others to their feet and bring them home to be with Him again (another
purpose of the Elias name). But as I shared in my previous article The Door
and The Key, all of us might have hidden talents we never knew before,
waiting to be unlocked by God for His true purpose. This is also a career path I
am pursuing right now and I hope that God will grant me a job in this direction,
if it stays true to His will.

The Fall
Sadly, these accomplishments made me a bit
proudful of myself and after I returned to Singapore, I decided to take a
“spiritual holiday”, which eventually led me to do things God wouldn’t have
wanted me to do (see previous entry, Lost). The relationship was broken
and even though it was eventually mended by the end of March, I have not been
able to bring it back to the previous level. My “Bible Reading Plan in 1 Year”
is disrupted and discontinued as of now, and my prayer life has also took a
significant hit.

But thanks to the Bereans Forum and the Bible Studies at ORPC Youth, I
managed to rekindle my spirit of learning the Scripture again. That’s why I
bought the Expositor’s Bible Commentary and later was granted access to an
online library that consists of more than 1000 books to use, including bibles,
commentaries, dictionaries, encyclopedias, lexicons, maps and many other
materials. I might not have been called to be a full-time minister or preacher,
but even then, I think that as a lay person, I will still be able to minister in
ways that full-time ministers cannot, by reaching to people one-by-one as a
friend and as one who is at the same level with them (people often think of
full-time ministers as people higher or holier than them and this often creates
an unwanted gap).

I pray that I will never break any relationships with Him again, and that He
will continue to use me for His purpose and mission in my entire life. To Him be
the glory of all things, even in all the things I do. The glory shall be to God
alone and not to me. Amen.

Original Post Link:
http://talesoflegacy.blogsome.com/2007/03/30/prodigal/

The Second Calling
by Nathan J. Elias - 9 February 2007

If you’ve read my previous writings in my blog, you will notice that at
times, I grow weary of not getting mature quickly enough and I felt that I was
not quite “getting there” at times. Well, thanks to God, everything changes in
2007. Things went so fast, and in this first month only, I have received a lot
of things from Him, more than what I received in the whole 2006. But well, each
year has its own purpose and story, I guess.

This 2007 began with a commitment to renew my life and grow more spiritually
mature for Him. Then suddenly a mission and vision comes to me. It all began
with a new name. Elias, which means “forerunner”, one who opens
the way before the LORD, much like what John the Baptist did in the New
Testament. I am to be the one who open people’s hearts and pave the way so that
Jesus can come in there. And I’m doing this not for just anyone, but for GOD, so
there comes my name of Jehovah-Elias (God’s forerunner).

I must admit that at first I wondered myself whether I picked that name just
to sound cool, or it’s really a name that God wants me to take into my life,
along with a purpose, vision and mission that comes along with it. I kept
praying for it, and soon, I totally forgot how did I come upon that name and how
did I first think of it. What’s inside my mind is only that God wants the name
for me and God wants me to do a life of mission for Him, touching other people’s
hearts through my sharing and experiences (such as this) and point them to the
way of life.

The meaning of forerunner does not only apply to unbelievers. I was also used
lately to strengthen and share my life with other believers who are seeking
God’s purposes in their lives. God has sent me four people to minister to so
far, and I believe not by accident. What those people seek and experience are
the same with what I experienced myself, so I can relate quickly with them. So
here, I “prepare” them for the right way and true purpose, preparing them to be
used for God’s own plan and His highest honor. This might also relate to the
second meaning of Elias, which is “restorer”. I restore those who have lost
their path and are now seeking for God’s plan. I try to lead them back to God’s
path, so that God can use them mightily.

It’s funny to see how God seems to have a three-year cycle in His plans of my
life. Back then in 2001, I was baptized without really understanding the true
meaning of it. It was a meaningless act of ritual, which my church told me to
take only because I was 17 already and by tradition, people in my church are
baptized by 17 if they have been there long enough (since Sunday School and so
on). Then on 2004, I received my true calling and became truly born-again. God
opened my passion for music and arts back then, and it made me understood who He
really is and what a Christian life is supposed to be all about. He put people
into my life who taught me many things and made me into what I am today.

On 2007, He gave me a new name and a true calling, a new mission and vision
of life, that I learned as I was reading the Purpose Driven Life book (and the
Cat and Dog theology, which is a good read). I don’t know if He will have
something new again for me by 2010, but for now, I’ll just live my life with the
purpose He has given me. Touch others day by day with my life, willing to be
used in every opportunity and chance that He planned for me. Minister to those
people He has sent me by His divine appointment. Become a living testimony, an
“open book” for others to read. In short, become a “daily missionary” that can
lead others to the true salvation, Jesus Christ.

I also have some other personal missions for Him that I cannot share here at
the moment, but if those missions are from God himself, He will open the way and
empower me to fulfill it. The three weeks of my return to Indonesia will be
partly for that mission. I pray that He will continually find use for me in my
life, so that my life can be a life full of service for His own purpose, plan
and glory. I will have to daily remember that my life is not my own, but it is
His. He shall use it as He see fit, as He knows the best way to bring the best
in me out for His glory.

May the name of the LORD be glorified. Amen.

The Door and The Key
by “Nathan J. Elias” - 1 February
2007.

God gave each one of us different talents, abilities and gifts that we must
use for His purposes. More often than not, though, when we first accepted Jesus
into our lives, we didn’t know what potentials we have and what gifts we can
have to bring glory to His name. It’s like God has given us a lot of things, but
those things lie behind a special door, locked with a special keyhole that only
a special key can open. A unique key, one that is made to open your door and
unleash the potential that lies beyond that door.

The church is the key. God has given them the responsibility to nurture the
growth of the believers and help them find and achieve their true purpose in
life, that is to glorify God with all their have and what God has given them. As
each of us is unique and have our own special keyholes, there are also a vast
number of churches in this world and one of them has been specially designed to
fit our keyhole and open the door. This is also one reason why we shouldn’t
dispute between the large number of denominations and claim that one is better
than the other, for every one of the churches are made according to God’s own
design and purpose, as part of the Body of Christ. They were made to nurture and
attend to different kinds of believers, each becoming unique keys to open up the
different types of doors that each believer may have.

Now what will happen if you force a key that doesn’t fit into a keyhole,
trying to open the door? Which one will be broken in the end? The key or the
keyhole?

The answer is both.

When we force ourselves to serve and minister in ways that we’re not made to,
we will either become bored or disgruntled, and soon our ministry will lose
their meaning. Either we will stop ministering because we can find no meaning,
or we can keep on ministering without meaning, both of which are bad for our
spiritual health and growth. In this manner, our door is now left
unopened because there is a wrong key on the keyhole that prevented us
to put in the right key and open the door. We lose every reason to open the
door, and we lose the desire to find the right key to open the door and we just
leave the non-fitting key as it is on the keyhole. We just let things be,
satisfied with the closed door, thinking “that’s as far as I get on opening the
door”.

Ministering in the wrong place can also bring pain and hurt, and block us
from opening the door. I tried ministering in music when I was in high school,
but my high school fellowship was not the place to nurture my musical talent,
and in the end I experienced a hurt that kept me out from the music ministry for
more than four years, thinking that it was not my talent. I didn’t realize that
actually music IS on the other side of my door, because my wrong environment
made me think otherwise, thus in this manner, by forcing to open the door,
the false key have broken up the keyhole. It took me a long
time before God fixed my broken keyhole, called me again to the ministry and
this time provided me with the right key, the right church, to open my door,
unlocking my potential on the musical ministry.

Doing the wrong ministry can also bring harm to the church. It has the
potential to prevent others with a true calling to that ministry to do the
ministry, because we are doing it. Let’s say that we are actually not called to
be a songleader, but we keep on doing it out of obligation and duty. Another
person who actually have the talent to be a songleader could not minister there
because there were no room for him to join the ministry. In the end, he either
went to another church and became a songleader there, or were forced to took
part in another ministry that is not his true calling (and breaking his
keyhole). Thus, the key has become dull and out of shape,
losing its ability to open the doors it should have opened, and in turn,
damaging the church itself. Ministry in the church began to lose meaning and
effectiveness, and many people are left in the dark with their true potentials
unrealized.

The question I want to ask you today is, “Have you found the right key?”. Do
not force a key that doesn’t fit your shape into your keyhole, you will only
damage yourself, others and the church. God won’t be pleased with that.

We can also have more than one door in our lives. I thank God that he has
given me two churches, two keys that each opened up different doors in my life.
The first one opened my musical talents, and the other one opened my
evangelical, counseling and encouragement or sharing talents. I never knew I was
cut out to share to others, to speak to others and help them and encourage them
to find their true calling and their way to Christ. It has only been since last
month that God opened up this door for me, before I would never have imagined I
had this talent and calling. It has also called me to write a lot lately,
because I learn a lot of things from sharing and listening to others, that I
felt that I must share these experiences with others too with my writings. These
were a whole new dimension of me, a whole new lot of potentials that I never
knew were lying dormant inside me.

When your spiritual growth seems to have stopped, ask God whether you still
have another door that He wants you to open. If the answer is yes, ask for His
guidance and calling to show you the right place to nurture your next phase of
spiritual growth, to “find your next key and open the next door”.

The Mountain Road
by “Nathan J. Elias” - 22 January
2007.

There are moments in life where I felt like my spiritual maturity would never
be able to go further than it is already. Everytime I took a step forward, I
took another five steps backward. It feels like the struggle to reach spiritual
maturity is a trivial one. You go very slowly up the mountain, and yet one small
slip on the way up would send you tumbling back again to ground zero. When you
think of reaching spiritual maturity as a journey to go towards the peak of a
mountain, you feel like the road is so slippery that you would never ever be
able to reach the top. In this moment in life, when I needed just another truth
to move my life back on the track again, God provided me with an allusion that
helped me understood it all.

Take this spiritual journey as going up the mountain road by a car. If you
drove manual, you’ll understand this truth better. When you go with your car up
a mountain, do you go by the first gear or you go by the final gear? Of course,
you’ll use the first gear (even the strongest car with the most experienced
driver out there won’t dare climb a mountain on full speed with the final gear,
no matter what those mountain drift movies told us). The first gear, while slow,
gives you the most power (torque) out of your car. It gives you stability. No
matter how slow it may be, you’re sure that at the end of the day, you’ll
eventually reach the top. Even though at times your engine won’t be strong
enough to take it all in one stride and you need to take stops to cool down and
rest the engine along the way, you know, you will still get to the top this
way.

There’s a spiritual lesson to be learned from this. Most of the time, we want
to go towards that maturity peak as soon as possible, as fast as we can. Well,
just like a car speeding towards the mountain peak can fall towards the bottom
of the ravine, going too fast at your own set pace can send you towards the
bottom of the pit. Learn to follow God’s pace, not yours. It may be a seemingly
slow-paced journey up the mountain, but with God, who knows the mountain road
best and knows the best pace for you to tackle it on, you’re sure to reach the
top one day. It may be a hard journey with a lot of breakdowns, tears and agony
- God understands it.

At times where you can’t take it anymore, He will give you rest. He will ask
you to hand your burden to Him and He will carry you through it all. There may
be some rests and “pit-stops” that you will need along the way - moments when
you’ll need to get closer to God and understand His Word and purpose for your
life, moments that will cool down any tension and stress you might have in your
life and “refuel your tank” for the next trip up the mountain. Don’t push it all
the way at once. As a car’s engine might overheat and break down from the
pressure, you too can experience mental, spiritual and emotional breakdowns from
your life’s pressure. Know when to stop and take a rest, taking a leave from
your day-to-day trivialities to spend time with God, asking Him to heal you,
refresh you, revitalize and reinvigorate you and provide you with strength for
the coming day.

The next lesson we can learn comes from the question, “How do you get a car
to go backwards when going up a mountain?”. Simple, you don’t even need to put
the car into reverse or even neutral for that to happen. Just do nothing.
The same principle applies to our spiritual lives. You don’t need an effort to
backslide. Just do nothing - no prayers, no devotional times, no studying God’s
word, nothing. Sometimes we may think that by doing nothing, we won’t be going
up but we won’t be going down either. This is a very wrong and dangerous
principle. Satan keeps trying to pull us down every moment in our lives, that’s
why, like the way gravity pulls down your car in a mountain road, during the
uphill battle of spiritual maturity, doing nothing will make you backslide,
because there is a force out there that is pulling you down.

It is far easier for us to go down than to go up, far easier to backslide
than to grow to maturity. But with God in our side, we will be
abled to reach that goal He has set for us. Even though
sometimes we may feel we’re going at the first gear, know that we’re making
progress. And just as there’s no man crazy enough not to do anything when his
car starts to go backwards in a mountain, we must do the same with our spiritual
lives. When you feel you’re going down, hit the brakes, pull the handbrake!
Stabilize yourself and keep going again, even with the first gear. As time
passes, we will grow familiar with the temptations and tactics that Satan is
using on us (as we grow familiar with the mountain road the more we tackle it
on), and we will eventually be able to move up and up, no matter how slow-paced
it may be, towards our final destination with God.

Those who go down to the sea in ships,
             Who do business on great waters,
They see the works of the LORD,
             And His wonders in the deep.
For He commands and raises the stormy wind,
             Which lifts up the waves of the sea.
They mount up to the heavens,
             They go down again to the depths;
             Their soul melts because of trouble.
They reel to and fro, and stagger like a drunken man,
             And are at their wits’ end.
Then they cry out to the LORD in their trouble,
             And He brings them out of their distresses.
He calms the storm,
             So that its waves are still.
Then they are glad because they are quiet;
             So He guides them to their desired haven.
Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness,
             And for His wonderful works to the children of men!
Let them exalt Him also in the assembly of the people,
             And praise Him in the company of the elders.

~ Psalm 107 (Thanksgiving to the LORD for His Great Works of Deliverance) ~

Yesterday,
A
day of blessings. Even in the midst of the worst day of my stomach acid
illness, I pushed myself and relied upon the LORD to carry me through
the ministry. As I rode the taxi to the church, I saw a little cross
hanging upon the rear view mirror, just like the one I had worn before
as a necklace before this one. It was God’s sign of love, a
proclamation that "I have watched over you and cared for you, even
since the beginning, the past, the present and into the future". It was
a great experience of putting my entire trust on the LORD, and the LORD
heed and answered my call. Truly, there is none like the LORD, so
loving and so merciful, that listens to even the most trivial need of
His children. I shall continue to trust the LORD for the rest of my
life.

But today,
My temperament issues were at the worst
moments it could be. Six years backsliding, went back to the point in
2001 where I did the same immature thing. Shouted at people, blamed
other people for my own mistakes, kick things in anger (this time it’s
a steel trash bin, back then it was my friend). As I was getting nearer
and closer towards the destination, the attacks intensified. When my
spiritual and ministry life leaves no holes in the wall to be attacked
(thanks to the prayers and supports from brothers and sisters at GPO),
the enemy decided to break down my daily life, which holds more
troubles and temptations. Succeed he may be at this moment, but there
is always tomorrow, and I have belief in tomorrow that the LORD will
carry me up under His wings with love and truth.

Lead me o
LORD, do not let me walk alone in this, for I cannot do this on my own.
Ye hath promised "there hath no temptation taken you but such as is
common to man: but God is faithful, who will not suffer you to be
tempted above that ye are able; but will with the temptation also make
a way to escape, that ye may be able to bear it". Lead my soul, grant
it rest, make way for my escape, for I can no longer bear this, o LORD.
No longer that I want to hurt others, no longer that I want my words to
pierce the hearts of others. May my words be those of loving kindness,
not despise, hatred, vengeance, malevolence, rejection, envy, lies and
deceit.

Teach me o LORD, change my heart o GOD, mold me, make
me so I may be like You. Else people will say "Where is your God? Where
is He now in your daily life? Is He only there in the church, that you
are free to do as you please outside the church?" O GOD, let not me be
a stumbling block for others, but a blessing. Even though the path
might be difficult, be with me, bear with me, hold me and carry me
through. In You only I trust. None is like You. Forgive my trespasses o
LORD, that I might start anew, and truly be a light for your Mighty
Name.

Even though I might fall, I shall rise again.
I will not let myself be defeated, my God shall carry me.
Through the storms of life, I may travail.
But I shall not be afraid, for my God shall be with me.
He will not leave me, nor will he forsake me.
Oh, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good, His mercy endureth forever.
May the name of the LORD be praised.

No, there’s no typo in the title. It’s imaging Jesus, not imagining Jesus.

It
is a “day one” concept that was very important but I have seemingly
forgotten until today when I was just reminded again of it in my first
cellgroup meeting. I was lost and as you know, I was even looking for
my own self image in the previous post. I don’t know what I should
become. Then my friend strikes me with a question, “If now I ask you
what kind of person you should become? What is all Nathan really should
be like? What will be your answer?”. I paused for a moment to answer
this question and I even went with some ‘general answers’ like must be
mature and God-loving and all that. Then in a flash of the moment, the
answer come.

I should be like Jesus.

My friend
snapped his fingers and said “That’s it!”. But then I continued to
discuss about how it is very difficult to assess what Jesus was like.
We have no clear -animated- depiction of Him and a full account of Him
like His habits, activities, what he’s doing in His spare time, even
how he talks, unlike some other characters we can clearly see presented
in movies or so. Then he continued to discuss about how actually a lot
on Jesus’ character is presented if we care to delve deep enough into
it to see more into His personality.

Jesus was a fun person,
and maybe even a fun-loving one. We see this part in how the children
seems to like Him so much that the adults have to try keeping them away
from Him. Of course children wouldn’t want to draw near to Jesus is He
was scary, too serious or too ’strict’, right? So we might conclude
that He is a fun person and children like Him. But at times when He
have to, He can also be firm and strict. He is not easily swayed by
other people and He holds on to what He knows is true.

Like
some of us, Jesus even had a run-in with tax collectors (see Matthew
17:24-27) and He followed the law. This tax was actually voluntary (com: Albert Barnes),
but “from Peter’s reply, it is evident that our Lord customarily paid
all taxes, tributes, etc., which were common among the people wherever
he came. The children of God are subject to all civil laws in the
places where they live - and should pay the taxes levied on them by
public authority; and though any of these should be found unjust, they
rebel not, as their business is not to reform the politics of nations,
but the morals of the world.” (com: Adam Clarke).

Jesus
experienced losses too. Although this point was debatable, if we see in
the later chapters of the Gospels, Joseph was never again mentioned.
Can it be that Joseph has passed away by the time Jesus started His
ministry? Quite possible. And how about the responsibility to take care
of our family? Jesus experienced it too. Think about it, Jesus was the
firstborn son in Mary and Joseph’s family. If Joseph was gone, who
would have the responsiblity to take care of the family’s well being?
We see His love for His family. Even in the cross, Jesus thought of
Mary and asked John to take care of her. So clearly we could see how
Jesus behaves towards His family and parents here. Ever experienced
family rejection? Jesus did too. If you read the whole story on Mark
3:20-35, His family thought Jesus has gone crazy and they went to take
Him away.

There are still a lot more to see on Jesus’ life and
I can’t wait for the next cellgroup meetings to learn more about Him.
My cellgroup leader have agreed that we will focus to study on Jesus’
life and try to image Jesus into our life. I think this will be very
good for my personal and spiritual maturity development and I will
continue to share more about it here as I learn more. Jesus is the only
one we should try to learn from and imitate in our lives, the perfect
embodiment of truth and life. I’m surprised that it took me all these
long to finally learn of this very basic mistake of me that prevented
me from growing any further in my spiritual maturity….